(quote from Henry Nouwen)
“Sometimes it seems as if we do everything possible to avoid the painful confrontation with our basic human loneliness, we allow ourselves to be trapped by false gods
promising immediate satisfaction and quick relief. But perhaps the painful awareness of loneliness is an invitation to transcend our limitations and look beyond the boundaries of
our existence. The awareness of loneliness might be a gift we must protect and guard, because our loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when
misunderstood, but filled with promise for him who can tolerate its sweet pain… We easily relate to our human world with devastating expectations. We ignore what we
already know… that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, no man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire
to be released from our lonely condition. This truth is so disconcerting and painful that we are more prone to play games with our fantasies than to face the truth of our
existence.”
(Henri Nouwen in ‘The Wounded Healer’)
Psalm 102 - A prayer of an afflicted man. When he is faint and
pours out his lament before the LORD.
1 Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry for help come to you.
2 Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly.
3 For my days vanish like smoke; my bones burn like glowing embers.
4 My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food.
5 Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones.
6 I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins.
7 I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof.
8 All day long my enemies taunt me; those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
9 For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears
10 because of your great wrath, for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
11 My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass.
12 But you, O LORD, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations.
13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to show favor to her; the appointed time has come.
Spiritual exercise to deal with loneliness
1. Set apart an hour and take the time like Jesus to go to a lonely place and pray.
2. Take time to journal what makes you lonely. Loneliness doesn’t have to be about where you live or if there are any people nearby. Loneliness can be about an inner
state. Journal about what loneliness looks like for you.
3. Where has loneliness been a wound and when has loneliness been a gift to you? Realize that loneliness can be a double edged sword in your life. Thank God for the
gift that it has been and confess to God what pain it has brought you.
4. What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?
5. Read and meditate on these verses from Psalm 102. The psalmist lets us know in v.1 that he is like a lonely owl who can not sleep at night. When we are lonely ,
the night can be very hard. In v.9, he tells us that when you are lonely nothing tastes good. His food tastes like dirt and his drink like tears. When we are lonely even
enjoyable things can feel empty. In v.1&2 the psalmist tells us that when we are lonely it feels like God doesn’t hear us and like He has turned His face away from us.
How has loneliness impacted you?
6. Loneliness is a gift because if forces us to pursue God. The psalmist turns to God in Psalm 102:1. In the earlier verses we see what loneliness looks like. In v. 12 we see the opposite of loneliness. Zion is the place the psalmist loves. His safe place where he meets with God and others.
7. Focus on the LORD and simply allow yourself to feel His presence. Let Him speak to your loneliness
“When we live with a solitude of heart, we can listen with attention to the
words and the worlds of others, but when we are driven by loneliness, we
tend to select just those remarks and events that bring immediate satisfaction
to our own craving needs.” - Nouwen, Reaching Out
Discussion Questions for Growth Groups
1) What is the difference between loneliness and solitude, and what are the purposes of solitude in your life?
2) Do you believe that men and women respond to loneliness in different ways?
3) What does it mean, “I can be all alone in a crowd?”
4) How does God look at loneliness?
5) Sometimes well-intentioned people use God’s promises or Bible verses in ways that are not helpful in the storms of loneliness. Are there ways that verses and promises can be used in your life that is
healthy and productive?
6) I like to read as much as I can about each storm topic, and I don’t have a chance to share it all on a Sunday morning. One of the things that I read was how loneliness affects children. Here is a quote from that article:
“Our children's feelings of loneliness and isolation usually come from one of two sources. The first is the amount of time we spend with them; the second is the quality. "Quality" basically boils down to our ability to listen sympathetically to our children, to value their ideas and feelings, and to enjoy our times together. A simple but helpful formula is Understanding + Enjoyment = Feelings of Love.”
· Each of us can assess our own childhood and how safe, loved and understood that we felt and how that may be impacting our relationships today
· Each parent can examine the type of love and attention that we are giving to our children
· What might be the effect on others in our lives that were not loved or understood in this way? And how might the Gospel speak into the loneliness of others?
