Negative self talk is one of the things that we do that gives discouragement a foot-hold in our lives. It is not that our self talk has no basis in the truth; but that our self talk is usually based on half truths. Yes, the disciples knew the lake, and they knew that the boat was in danger. But that was only half of the truth of their situation. Jesus, the Savior, was in their boat and He had promised to get them to the other side. The problem with negative self talk is that it always feels true. When your self talk is negative, you perceive things as more stressful. If you tell yourself that something is “difficult” or “unfair,” it becomes more stressful than if you tell yourself it is a “challenge” or even a “test”. Jesus awakened by the disciples, got up and rebuked the wind and the waters. He calmed the storm. He looked at his disciples and asked them, “Where is your faith?” Negative self talk erodes our faith.

Our language and our self talk can color everything. Research has shown that in certain languages where there is not a word for a color, that people group struggle to perceive that color. While a different language who has a word for that color has no problem differentiating the color. Words subtly color what you perceive and are influencing you more than you realize.

Negative self talk can alter how you experience God and diminish the faith that you have to face a specific situation. When we focus on the negative we are easily discouraged. To be
discouraged is a normal part of life, but allowing it to daily affect our perceptions is to erode your faith and your strength and leaves you depressed. An anchor, that secures our faith, is focusing on God and what He says in a situation. Jesus told the disciples, “Let’s go over to the other side of the lake.” What Jesus tells us doesn’t only color our perception of reality, but what Jesus says speaks reality into being. He is the one who commands and even the winds and the water obey Him.

Negative self talk exercise

1. Sit quietly in a comfortable position.

2. Take several deep breaths, letting them out slowly. Invite God into this exercise and ask for His help and direction.

3. After a few minutes ask the Holy Spirit to take over your imagination.

4. Ask the Holy Spirit of God to create again a “safe Place” where you can meet with the Lord. It may be an imaginary place or somewhere you have been before that is special. Rest there with Him.

5. After you have spent some time with the Lord and you feel peaceful, begin to bring to the Lord the areas where you feel discouraged. Begin by praying out loud or journaling the areas of discouragement.

6. What does your discouragement sound like? For most of us our discouragement has a certain language and vocabulary. We develop a negative self talk that reinforces the lies that we believe about ourselves. For example; nothing ever works out for me, I look terrible today, I am so stupid I can not believe I said that, I don’t know why I even try I am such a failure, No one is ever there for me. Write out the negative self talk you say to yourself on a regular basis.

7. Now what we usually do is speak the negative self talk and then believe that the difficult circumstances of life are validating our negative thoughts. Anxiety leads us to predict negative out comes for our future with the help of negative self talk. Discouragement is living in the pain of the predicted negative outcome and becoming hopeless and without faith to believe God for a change. We began this exercise spending time in your “safe place” with God. See yourself spending time again with God in that place of safety. Ask Him to speak His words to you about the storm you are facing. Allow Him to rebuke the winds and the waves that have been overwhelming you.

8. Quote the verse provided for you from Joshua 1:9 to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and declare this verse to your own heart.

Discussion Questions for Growth Groups

1.    Disappointment and discouragement, while certainly related to one another, are not the same thing. To be disappointed is a natural and healthy human response to any situation that turns out negatively when you hoped for the opposite. Begin the group discussion by talking about disappointment and how the individuals in the group have encountered disappointment (perhaps specific disappointments could be shared) Uncover as much as you can the individuals feelings and beliefs about disappointment. For example some people handle disappointment easily and just keep going. Others avoid disappointment at all cost. Some encounter disappointment daily.

2.    Disappointment always manifests our expectations, conscious and unconscious. (Here is where real growth can take place in each persons life by examining the expectations that I have about life and the people in my life and even about God.) How can each of us adjust expectations so that what we expect is realistic, but not lose expectancy and hope for the greater things that God has promised?

3.    When life does not go the way we expect, the flesh will manifest. The coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms that we use to handle lifes unmet expectations and disappointments are patterns of the flesh that we have employed since we were children. These patterns may work for a time, but will eventually lead to destructive attitudes, behaviors, and outcomes. Paul says that the flesh is at war with the spirit. Leaders you can take the discussion in different ways, but we need to understand that discouragement is a deed of the flesh. It is unbelief. It is based on a lie. Discouragement is never spirit led and can never have a good outcome. When I am discouraged, I have lost hope, I am disheartened, I am no longer being courageous. When I feel discouraged, will I allow the Spirit of God to reveal the lie that I am believing?